dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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