I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
