I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize