I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
