a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I want a musical about memes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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