Cold hands, warm shart.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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