She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
