I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
