she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I touched a dick in church today
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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