My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
