Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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