Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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