I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
