My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
