lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize