After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
