Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize