I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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