hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize