hotel room ftw
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
