woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Randomize
