Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
