At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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