We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just want nice things and good sex
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
