STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
