I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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