I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
