Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
