The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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