oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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