We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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