You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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