1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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