We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize