why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
