On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
