I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
