I must be too annoying 4 u.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Someone came in the potted fern
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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