C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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