3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
