literally had 100 drinks last night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
