I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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