I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
