i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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