so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i now understand why vodka
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
