eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
