Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
