i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
