Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
