im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
