All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We have so much sex to catch up on
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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