guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize