life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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