My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
