I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
