i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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