he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
