she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize