just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
