You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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