Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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