I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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