You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
