Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
