from now on my penis is your penis
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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