Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize