im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
