its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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