so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
